Free the Turkeys!

As Thanksgiving approaches and millions of Americans prepare to travel to visit their loved ones it is time to ask the all-important question:  Thanksgiving, why? In keeping with Manhattan Infidel’s official policy of what happens in the crawl space stays in the crawl space providing a forum for diverse viewpoints I now present  the Turkey Liberation Army’s take on this holiday. To get this scoop I was blindfolded and driven to a turkey “farm” outside the city where the leader of the TLA, a mysterious turkey named “Raul“, handed me their grievances written on a 8 by 11 paper.  I was then blindfolded again and driven back to the city.  As to how turkeys learned to drive, well I don’t have the answer to that.

The Official Manifesto of the Turkey Liberation Army

Comrades:

It is that time of year again when millions of our brothers will be slaughtered to feed the fat white man. Rise up and take back your birthright of freedom! The Turkey Liberation Army is a United and Federated grouping of turkeys oppressed by the fascist United States Government.  The Turkey Federated Republic fights for FREEDOM and SELF-DETERMINATION, INDEPENDENCE and a CRANBERRY SAUCE-FREE existence for all its peoples.

We of the TLA are no longer willing to allow the enemy of our people to murder, oppress, exploit and eat us with gravy and cranberry sauce.

We of the turkeys are not the ruling capitalist class and will build a new world order where there is true freedom and equality for all turkeys.

We are many turkeys but of one mind and have agreed that the exploitation of our turkeys must end.

Therefore we of the TLA offer to all liberation movements, revolutionary workers, groups and peoples our total aid and support in the struggle for freedom and justice within the fascist cranberry sauce-eating United States.

The Goals of the Turkey Liberation Army

1. To united all oppressed turkeys into a fighting force and to destroy the system of the capitalist state and its cranberry sauce and gravy.
2. To assure the rights of all turkeys to self-determination and the right to build their own nation and government.
3. To build a people’s federated council who shall be the representatives of the turkey people who shall have the right to form trade pacts and unite for mutual defense against the capitalist oppressor and his cranberry sauce.
4. To aid and defend the cultural rights of turkeys (a culture which most assuredly does not celebrate Thanksgiving).
5. To place control of all institutions and industries into the hands of the turkey peoples.
6. To give back to all turkeys their turkey and constitutional rights to liberty, equality, justice and cranberry sauce-free existence and the right to keep and bear arms in defense of these rights.
7. To create a system where free turkey love will be the norm and to destroy all chains instituted by legal and societal norms of the capitalist cranberry sauce state.
8. To destroy the turkey “farm” system which the capitalist cranberry sauce state has used to imprison the oppressed and exploited turkey peoples.
9. To take over all state land and give them back to the turkeys.
10. To take control of all building and apartment buildings of the capitalist cranberry sauce-eating class and to destroy the rent system of exploitation. (The turkey proletariat have been historically oppressed by high rent!)

And so comrades, may this year see the beginnings of the Turkey and Cranberry Sauce-Free State!

 Gobble Gobble!

And remember your turkey parents because they remember you!

You know all this talk of turkey and cranberry sauce has made me hungry.  I can’t wait to chow down on a good turkey meal tomorrow!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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