Norway Urges Citizens to Have Date Nights

Have a date night!  Have it for the glory of socialism.

Have a date night! Have it for the glory of socialism.


With rising divorce rates approaching 40 percent, the Norwegian government has stepped in to help its citizens through the crisis.

“It is important to find small pockets of time where parents can be lovers” said Solveig Horne, minister for children, equality and social inclusion.

Without physical passion marriage risks becoming, well, marriage.  Try redistributing your bodily fluids in a totally progressive, European fashion.  But when rediscovering your passion try not to be too bourgeois.  After all, we are not Americans.  Whips, masks, restraints.  These are approved methods for keeping marriages together.  Do it for the children.  Do it for Norway. Do it for socialism!

However not all in Norway agree with the ruling party.  Many are accusing the Populist party of drifting to the right and engaging in “American-style old-fashioned values.”

Do we really want to become a nation of cowboys?  If Norwegians start engaging in date nights our proud socialist country will be on a slippery slope towards Christian values.  That is something that cannot be tolerated.

The Norwegian Association for Divorce has also come out in opposition to the proposed “date night.”

Our country prides itself on the values of northern Europe:  Divorce, low birth rates, abortion and no death penalty. Well, at least the people who have already been born.  These are the values that made Norway great. To introduce American abominations like this so-called date night will only lead to introduction of traditional values.  Values that no self-respecting Norwegian will tolerate.  This will be a return to the dark ages.  Literally.

Despite the rising voices in opposition to date night, the idea still has a few supporters.  The Norwegian Institute for Free Love has come out in favor of the idea.

Getting parents away from their kids is a great idea.  This will facilitate free love and partner swapping. And with our wonderful system of socialized medicine those who contract venereal diseases will be guaranteed access to a doctor.  You like your genitals?  You can keep them!

Also supporting the proposed date night:  The Norwegian Institute for Teen Sex.

“By all means get the parents out of the house” said its President.  “I mean sex with my parents is nice but sometimes I want someone my own age.”


6 Responses

  1. Those right-wing wackos can’t stand paradise , can they? They like work and those silly moral values. Boring!!!

  2. petermc3 says:

    Keep up the good work Your column is as necessary as my morning cup of coffee.

  3. Petermc3 says:

    No de caff and no earth shoes for this buckaroo.

  4. I stare at the map and keep thinking of the Arctic Circle and the capitol of Oslo, right there, at the bottom. And then I think of the the Norwegians who manage to stay married, and that maybe the US should offer political asylum to them. Except that of course half of them are probably budding jihadis, so maybe not.

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