My Exclusive Interview with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

Rob Ford is the Mayor of Toronto.  I don't know what state that is in.

Rob Ford is the Mayor of Toronto. I don’t know what state that is in.

Today at Manhattan Infidel it is my honor to interview Mayor Rob Ford.

MI Hello Mr.  Mayor.  It’s a pleasure to have you here.

RF:  I’m glad to be here.

MI: Let’s start off with what everybody wants to know about.  You were caught on tape smoking crack cocaine.

RF: Yes I was.  Let me just say that I have made mistakes.  I admit it. I am human and sometimes weak.  I ask the forgiveness of the voters of Toronto.

MI: So you’re sorry?

RF: Yes I am.

MI: Okay.  I guess that’s all I wanted to know.  I thank you for your time.

RF: Um.  Okay. That was quick.  Are you sure there isn’t anything else you want to ask me? Maybe about the tape being circulated where I put a hit out on an opponent?  I’m quite a colorful character you know.

MI: Not really.  But I do have one question.  You’re the mayor of Toronto. correct?

RF:  Yes.

MI: What state is that located in?

RF:Um.  It’s not located in any state.

MI: Oh, so Toronto is located in the commonwealth of Puerto Rico?

RF: No.

MI: Guam?

RF: No!  No! Toronto is a city in Canada!

MI: Canada? 

RF:Yes.

MI: Sorry.  Never heard of it.

RF:  Canada is your largest trading partner!

MI: Yeah right.  You’re such a liar.  Typical politician.  Did you vote for Obama for President?

RF: I’m Canadian!  We don’t vote in American elections!

[Pause]

MIWell I guess I should go now.

RF: Come back!  I smoke crack. I’m a colorful crack-smoking character.  I’m quite famous in Canada.

MI: Canada? Come on. You’re just making that up.

RF: I swear to God I’m going to kill you!  Canada is a country with a population of 30 million. We are the largest trading partner of the United States.

MI: Our largest trading partner? So Canada is in Hawaii?

RF: You Americans are so arrogant!

MI: Arrogant? I remind you that as a Hawaiian you are an American too!

RF: I’m going to kill you.  I’m going to kill you!  Right after I smoke this crack!  But I won’t inhale.

MI: Just like Bill Clinton. Did you ever vote for him?

RF: Where’s my crack?  Where’s my crack!

MI:  Jeesh.  Calm down.  I thought you Hawaiians were supposed to be mellow.  Well.  I’m out of here. Say hello to Bill Clinton for me.

RF: Go f*ck yourself.

Well it’s settled.  If I ever vacation in Hawaii I’m going to make sure I avoid Canada town.

(1250)

2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. So, when is this Ford dude goig to finish building the Key Stoned Pipe-line from Hawaii to Texas?

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