Sarah Palin Kills 10,000 in the Philippines

Another Sarah Palin atrocity!

Another Sarah Palin atrocity!

The evil that is Sarah Palin has struck again, slamming a typhoon into the Philippines and killing an estimated 10,000, leaving millions homeless and property damage in the hundreds of millions.

“I haven’t seen so much death and destruction since I went to that Who concert in Cincinnati!” declared a grief-stricken Vice President Biden.

As the flood waters receded the U.S. military sprang into action with the Joint Chiefs of Staff announcing that a task force will be sent to the ravaged archipelago.

“We’re going to be sending supplies” said the Chairman, General Martin Dempsey.

This is a relief mission to that poor, devastated country. We will be bringing food, fresh water, clothing and anything else to make life bearable in the coming weeks. But the mission also has another aspect to it:  Hunt down and capture the villain responsible for this typhoon.  Sarah Palin may be able to run but she cannot hide. We found Bin Ladin.  We will find her.

Hollywood, which has a long history of supporting compassionate causes will be holding a telethon to raise funds to support the victims and find the killer Palin. Several major recording artists have rushed into the studio to record a single, whose profits will go to aiding the victims, entitled “We are the World (USA for the Philippines.)”

A sample of the lyrics to this groundbreaking single follows:

There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it’s time to lend a hand to finding and killing Sarah Palin
The greatest gift of all

We can’t go on pretending day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We all are a part of God’s great big family
Except for Sarah Palin who can go to hell

George Clooney, the producer of the telethon derided critics of the Sarah Palin hypothesis.

To deny the existence of Sarah Palin-caused climate change is just ridiculous.  It’s a stupid argument.  The idea that we ignore that Sarah Palin is responsible for climate change is ridiculous.  What’s the worst thing that happens?  We clean up the Earth by capturing and killing Sarah Palin?

Jenny McCarthy, President of The Hollywood Association for Science Facts and Stuff, has also issued a statement regarding the typhoon in the Philippines.

This is a watershed moment for the world. Those who dare think that this typhoon was caused by climatic conditions dare not show their face in public lest their ignorance be discovered.  Anyone who doesn’t feel like I do that Sarah Palin caused this just doesn’t know science. And can someone please tell me what a watershed is?  Is that a male water bug?

From her home in Alaska, former Governor Palin has denied any responsibility for the events in the Philippines.

“Seriously?  Seriously?  What the hell?” said Palin.

President Obama has issued a statement calling for all Americans to pray for the Philippines and for the capture of Sarah Palin.

“She must not be allowed to remain free to do more damage to our world” said the statement.



2 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    Wait a minute, I thought the administration only sent guns, I meant supplies, to groups, I mean Al Qaeda, that kill Christians?

  2. They really do fear straight talking Sarah, don’t they?

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