Natural beauty AND forced enemas? Sign me up!

With Thanksgiving approaching in a few weeks many may be seeking places to take a vacation. May I take this opportunity to suggest the beautiful state of New Mexico?  New Mexico has much to offer:  natural beauty, scenic drives and  pre-Colombian ruins.  And with that in mind I now present my personal guide to the best of New Mexico:

For starters I suggest not making a complete stop at a stop sign.  New Mexico has a very friendly police force and this will present the opportunity to get acquainted with them.

They will no doubt ask you to leave you vehicle, or “egress” from it as they might say (New Mexico police have quaint customs.)  The police may have drug-sniffing dogs with them, or dogs who haven’t been trained to sniff drugs but that they trust to find drugs.

At this point the police may place you under arrest.  (Because their dog told them that your car seat smelled like drugs.)

This may make you nervous and you may involuntarily clench your buttocks.   I would advise against this.

But you may say “I just had Mexican food and feel a bout of diarrhea coming upon me.”  Let me repeat.  Do not clench your buttocks.  If you follow my advice and your buttocks remain unclenched you will have a great time vacationing in New Mexico and you will no doubt see all the popular vacation spots.

If however you want a vacation experience to end all vacation experiences then please feel free to clench your buttocks.

Once your buttocks are clenched you will have the opportunity to learn more about America’s criminal justice system and why it is the greatest in the world.

Do you know what a warrant is?  In many countries of the world not ruled by our enlightened system of jurisprudence your anus may be penetrated by authority figures for no reason at all.

But in New Mexico this is not possible.

Your anus will not be penetrated by a doctor’s finger until, and only until a search warrant for your anus has been produced.

Once the warrant has been produced and you are being penetrated you no doubt will be proud that you live in America.

But the fun does not stop there.

A finger penetration exam of your anus may be performed a second time. You will smile as you think to yourself “I bet my anus would not be penetrated in North Dakota or Wyoming?”  And you’d be right.  That’s why makes a vacation in New Mexico so enjoyable.

But wait, there’s more.  Have you ever wondered about the content of your feces?  In New Mexico you will have the opportunity to have your curiosity satisfied.

An enema will be inserted into your anus to draw forth your fecal matter.  Watch in amazement as doctors pick through your feces.

Hey, I don’t remember eating corn?  Ha.  That was a joke.  But isn’t it fascinating the way the doctors closely examine it?  And you thought a trip to New Mexico would be boring.  You thought you wouldn’t learn anything during a vacation in New Mexico.

But wait. There’s still more!

More you say?  What could possibly top watching doctors pick through my fecal matter after a forced enema?

How about a colonoscopy?  That’s right.  You will be sedated and a scope with a camera will be inserted into your anus, rectum, colon and large intestines.

I know what you are saying.  “Wow!  Now that’s a vacation experience!  Where do I sign up?”

All this can be yours by contacting your local travel agent and telling them “I want my anus penetrated!”

New Mexico.  Land of enchantment and anal excitement!

Offer valid only in New Mexico.  Anal penetration may not be substituted for other vacation offers.

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