C3PO Surprised by Offer to Redesign Healthcare.Gov Web Site

A protocol droid fluent in over six million forms of communication?  Sign him up!

A protocol droid fluent in over six million forms of communication? Sign him up!

C3PO has been chosen by the Obama administration to redesign the much-maligned healthcare.gov website.

“I must admit this offer came out of left field” declared the lucky protocol droid.

Before this my only experience with computers was uploading Quick Time video messages for Princess Leia.  But I was recently upgraded and now I come with built in WiFi – hot spot included – and a touch screen.  I guess that must have impressed the folks at the White House.  Anyway I got a call from Kathleen Sebelius and she says to me, “C3PO, as you may know the Republicans have sabotaged President Obama’s signature health care reform.  Would you care to help us?”  Well to tell the truth things have been a little slow for me since the breakup with R2D2 and I need the money so I accepted.  Sebelius  asked me if I was really fluent in six million forms of communication.   She was quite adamant about that.   I told her that I was indeed fluent in six million forms of communication. Unfortunately Spanish is not one of them.  She said that was okay and hired me anyway.  They gave me 100 million to do it. I’m just a poor droid. How can I refuse an offer like that.

Presidential press secretary Jay Carney promoted C3PO’s qualifications at his daily press conference.

C3PO is non-partisan and only wants what’s best for America.  Just like President Obama.  And just like President Obama no one is angrier over the glitches at the healthcare.gov website.  C3PO will use this opportunity to design a web site that will ensure all Americans their right to health care that is cheaper than they have now.  And when C3PO finishes the redesign all Americans will be able to keep the health care plan they already have.  Unless of course your plan doesn’t predate 2013.

There is opposition to C3PO however.

“Like all in the Republican leadership I am prepared to give President Obama all he wants” said Speaker of the House John Boehner.

But C3PO?  Couldn’t he have at least chose Lando Calrissian?  The man has administration experience in Cloud City. He would have been a much better choice.

Despite the White House’s pledge of confidence in C3PO rumor has it that he is on a short lease.

During a cabinet meeting in the oval office Obama was overheard to say “The gold robot better fix this or I’ll melt him down.”

C3PO has promised to have the web site back up by December 1st, “assuming no Death Stars attack.”


3 Responses

  1. How in the hell could these idiots hire someone who (that) can’t communicate in Spanish. A Califoria congressman is planning to introduce a bill next month to make Spanish the official language in the US. Its about time! How many golden eagle coins can they make out of C3PO?

  2. Petermc3 says:

    Spanish as a second language, what a concept. Hopefully we Caucasians will be taught how to game the entitlement system along with learning the Spanish lingo.

  3. innominatus says:

    Three-pee-oh is a protocol droid, and http is a protocol. This is historic, actually: the first thing the Obeyme administration has gotten right!

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