“Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person. Stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire’s eye or on the ball” ~ Jim Murray
Tonight the Yankee opened a three-game series against the team that knocked them out of the playoffs last year – the Texas Rangers. The Yankees started CC Sabathia (8-4 3.28) while Texas started their wunderkind Alexi Ogando (7-1 2.71 ERA).
Well fortunately for the Yankees Ogando was about as effective as some of my pick up lines, lasting only an inning and 2/3 while giving up six runs.
After sitting out a 50 minute rain delay (another cold rainy night in this miserable Spring in New York) the game started. The Yankees broke out in the bottom of the second with six runs on six hits. After singles by Brett “Male Pattern Baldness” Gardner and Curtis Granderson, Mark “Sold my soul to Satan for a World Series ring” Teixeira doubled them both home. After an Alex Rodriguez single, a Jorge “Stop looking at my ears” Posada double and a Nick Swisher walk to load the bases Eduardo Nunez singled. 6-0 Yankees after two.
Yes, I realize I’m missing crucial elements to the bottom of the second such as Did Nunez’ single score four runs? Hey, it was very cold in the upper deck and I was drinking beer to keep warm so cut me some slack. Is it my fault my scorecard resembles a Jackson Pollock painting?
In the bottom of the third Nick Swisher homered to deep left. 7-0 Yankees after three.
In the top of the fourth Texas got on the board. Sabathia was laboring (cold isn’t his best pitching weather). Ian Kinsler and Elvis “Thank you very much” Andrus led off the inning with singles. Michael Young then singled to shallow center scoring both.
In the bottom of the fourth Gardner walked and stole second. Teixeira was hit by a pitch and Alex “Oh how I love nondetectable HGH” doubled to deep center, scoring them both. 9-2 Yankees after four.
Sabathia labored again in the fifth. Mitch Moreland and Yorvit Torrealba led off with singles. Craig Gentry then doubled scoring Moreland and moving Torrealba to third. Elvis Andrus then grounded out to shortstop scoring Torrealba. 9-4 yankees after five.
In the bottom of the sixth Brett Gardner singled, stole second and then scored when Curtis Granderson hit a home run to deep right. In that same inning Robinson Cano homered to right. By the way, Cano is getting tired of the rumor that he was named after Professor Robinson from Lost in Space. Who starts these damn rumors? Oh that’s right. I did. 12-4 Yankees after six.
And that was the final score. Luis Ayala pitched the eight for the Yankees and Lance Pendleton closed it out in the ninth for the Yankees.
Boston “The Yankees are our bitch” lost tonight so the Yankees are now only 1 1/2 games behind them.
As most everyone knows the excitement coming into this homestand was Derek Jeter’s quest for his 3000th hit. He hit 2994 on Monday then had to leave the game with a strained calf. This points out the Yankees weakness: Age. First Colon on Saturday and now Jeter.
That’s the price you pay for having players who voted for Taft.
Anyway, after Monday’s game Jeter was brought behind the barn and shot between the eyes by this gang: 
“It’s a shame to put him down like that. But this dog just don’t hunt no more” said one of them.
Notes on the game:
I tried but my heckle of “The definition of Papal Infallibility promulgated by the First Vatican Council was really a European issue. A fight between the Gallicans and the Ultramontanes and as such had no relevance to the Americans” just…….didn’t seem to fire up the crowd.
Recommended reading material: The Panic of 1857 and the Coming of the Civil War by James L. Horton.
Reader mail:
D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “I believe that George Lazenby was the best James Bond.”
What can I say? He’s from Philadelphia people. You know. He’s “special.”
S.J. of Harlem, New York writes, “I love cats.”
Oh really, S.J.? Then how do you explain this photo? 
M.B. of Brooklyn writes, “I find bloggers to be very sexy.”
M.B. of Brooklyn also writes, “Stop putting words in my mouth motherf#@(!”
I apologize for M.B. people. She works in publishing.
L.K. of New Jersey writes, “Who knew 20 bodies buried in my back yard would back up my septic tank?”
Live and learn, L.K. Live and learn.
My record this year at Yankee games stands at an impressive 7-0.
My next game is Saturday June 25th against the Colorado Rockies.
Go Yankees!
(467)
Here’s the thing about Jeter–What does the average Yankee fan want out of Yankee management? Jeter has won five championships, been a team leader for over ten years and a model citizen to boot. If the Yankees had let him go to free agency after last season, the fan base would’ve gone insane. So what did Cashman do? He overpaid an aging fan favorite for his years of service.
By definition, that means that the Yankees were going to have to play him as much as he’s available. That also means having to live with him grounding into double plays and weakly flying out to right field a whole lot. Unless the Yankee fan base was willing to see Jeets in a different uniform–and they didn’t seem that way in the off-season–Cahsman almost certainly was forced to sign his shortstop and live with the consequences.
Shamus: Agreed. The Yankees were in a difficult position last winter because Jeter was so close to 3000 hits, something no Yankee has ever done. If he had 2500 hits it would have been easier for Cashman to do a Bernie Williams on him. But now we’re stuck with him. And Posada.
The press just ate the whole “core of three” story. Yeah, 17 years together on the same team. Well, all that means is that THIS TEAM IS OLD. And the “core” narrative is insulting to Teixeira and Sabathia. We wouldn’t have won in 2009 without either one. And yes, it’s insulting to AROD as well. (Don’t get me started on HIS contract.) We’re stuck with him (or paying his salary) until he’s 42? Is he going to be hitting 45 home runs a year at that age? Especially now that he’s off steroids?
Oh well. The sooner Jeter gets his 3000th hit the better. We can move him down in the lineup to 6th, not play him as often and give Nunez a shot.
I was at Wednesday night’s game. The Yankees are firing on all cylinders offensively right now. And there’s a veritable youth movement breaking out. Filling in for the injured Captain at short, Eduardo Nunez (who turned 24 Wednesday) had two hits, including a homer. But it was Mark Teixeira who had the biggest night, swatting a pair of two-run homers. He’s now tied for the league lead with Curtis “Home Run Derby Anyone?” Granderson and the Blue Jays Jose Bautista. At long last, Nick “I Pick Things Up and Put Them Down But Only When Batting Righty” Swisher’s bat appears to be heating up. As Yogi Berra was fond of saying, it was deja vu all over again as the final score was 12-4, just like Tuesday night! GO YANKEES!!!