Data Upgrades Emotion Chip

Data now can trust his emotions

Lieutenant Commander Data

Star Ship Enterprise

Dear Commander Data:

Thank you for ordering our new and improved model 2300 Android Emotion Chip.  We here at Android Emotion Enterprises value your loyalty and continued business. We acknowledge the design flaws with the 2200 series Android Emotion Chip and apologize for any distress it may have caused you.

We feel confident in telling you that we have fixed the regrettable bug in our earlier version in which the emotion chip would get stuck on “unalloyed joy.”  Our new chip has an override feature that will prevent this from happening.  This new feature will prevent such embarrassing incidents as the time Commander Riker told you he received “The Clap” on Rigel IV and you responded by telling him “That’s the greatest f#($#* thing I’ve ever heard!”  The override feature will also prevent you from going to Ten-Forward and telling Guinan “Riker’s got the clap.  And I couldn’t be happier.  Drinks are on me!”

Also an extra added benefit of our new override feature is that you will no longer have to worry about the crew of the Enterprise avoiding you  because you keep telling them how much “unalloyed joy” listening to Celine Dion gives you.  In addition to our override the new emotion chip contains and “Anti Celine Dion” feature.  Any and all contact with Ms. Dion’s music will induce vomiting, diarrhea and dizziness. (Trust me when I say that our engineers are quite proud of this new feature.)

As for your concern about the emotion chip activating your reproductive desires at inopportune moments our engineers have looked into the situation and we can assure you that this is natural feature of any emotion chip.  Reproductive desires will appear at a moment’s notice whether you want them to or not.  We feel that the trouble you got into when you asked Counselor Troi if she “liked it rough?” would have happened even with our new chip.

In closing we would once again like to thank you for your continued business.  There are many makers of android emotion chips in the Alpha Quadrant but we feel we make the best product.

As to your query about buying a toupee for your captain from our line of wigs rest assured we design the best wigs also.  Virtually undetectable.  If you need further information in this area please contact us.

Best regards

Android Emotion Enterprises, “Because the only good android is an emotional android”

1 Worf Drive

Klingon Homeworld

Android Emotion Enterprises is a Delaware Limited Liability Company.  Android Emotion Enterprises is not affiliated with Burlington Coat Factory


4 Responses

  1. Burlington coat factory, of course not. But you might want to check out the Fuzzy Weasel Factory.

  2. Matt says:

    That actually sounds like the long awaited schadenfreude feature.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: The Fuzzy weasel factory also denies any involvement. Of course i think they are lying.

    Matt: I just might add that feature!

  4. MK says:

    Bout time that pasty weasel shelled out for an upgrade.

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