Navy Seal Team Six Takes Out Mickey Mouse

Notorious anti-american Mickey MouseNavy Seal Team Six, the elite unit responsible for killing Osama Bin Laden notched another one on its belt today when it took down Mickey Mouse in a firefight at Mickey’s L.A. hideout.

The genesis for taking out Mickey came soon after the Bin Laden victory when the Disney corporation tried to trademark the name “Seal Team Six.”

“From that point on Disney became our enemy” said Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus.  “And Mickey was the top symbol of that enemy.  Our intelligence indicated that taking Mickey out would prove a demoralizing blow to the forces at Disney.”

But first the reclusive Mickey must be found.

“We heard rumors that Mickey was hiding out in North Dakota, Newburgh, New York or Pakistan” said Mabus.  “But then we found and waterboarded Mickey’s courier. He gave him up. Turns out Mickey was hiding in plain sight in a mansion in Los Angeles.”

The mission to take down Mickey started shortly after midnight as two helicopters, retrofitted with muffling devices to silence the sound of their engines took off from their base in California.  Fifty minutes later they were over Los Angeles.

As a worried President Obama and his national security team watched from the White House, Seal Team Six and their two helicopters took flak.

“We thought they had engaged Mickey.  Turns out they had flown over South Central L.A. and got in the middle of a turf war between rival gangs.”

Once they had silenced the gangs Seal Team Six found Mickey’s compound, landed and scaled the walls.  A firefight ensued.  Mickey was found on the third floor, huddling behind his wife Minnie.

“Mickey seemed disorientated” said one of the Seal team members.  “He reached behind for his squirt gun and that’s when I fired at him.”

Mr. Mouse was shot three times, the fatal shot entering just behind the right eye, killing him instantly.  The team then notified the White House:  “Enemy Mouse:  KIA.

Mouse’s body was then taken aboard a chopper and dumped in the Pacific Ocean.

“We didn’t want any grave that could become a rallying point for Mickey’s followers.”

President Obama has decided against releasing any photos of dead Mickey to avoid inflaming the already strained relations between the human and mouse community.

Minnie Mouse, who was injured during the operation currently lies in a hospital bed in Los Angeles.  Navy interrogators have requested access to her.

“She may have valuable intel into what Disney has planned next.”

No word yet as to whether access to Minnie will be granted.


6 Responses

  1. Now, if only Seal Team Six could take out ‘Family Guy’…

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I can’t comment on my inside knowledge but their next.

  3. eots says:

    Darn! Just as we are getting ready to go to Disneyland!

  4. Damn! I thought Mickey Mouse was a code name for Weiner. Oh well.

  5. Matt says:

    I have heard conspiracy theories that suggest they had been killing Kenny every week for years…


  6. MK says:

    Noooooooo! Not mickey mouse…. Say it ain’t so….

    They’ve gone too far with this act of capitalist aggression.

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