Manhattan Infidel Presents a Special Message From the Farting Cows of America

Mess with cows? That’s udder nonsense!







Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I give the pages of my blog over to the Cow Liberation Front (“CLF”) who have a message for all Americans.

Thank you Manhattan Infidel.

Recently Alexandria Ocasio Cortez trumpeted her so-called “green new deal.”  In it she calls for the abolition of farting cows. You can imagine how I and the other cows felt as we were sitting down to our morning coffee and reading the paper only to find that an elected representative of the United States government considers us a terrorist threat.

We cows are a peaceful race. We seek no dominance over humans. We only wish to live in peace with all inhabitants of this globe of ours.

We do not aspire to any territorial ambitions. Our day consists of eating grass, wandering around aimlessly in groups, lying down on the ground, shitting and farting. In this we resemble hippies only not as annoying.

Everybody likes cows. Indeed we’ve noticed that humans in their internal combustion engines like to slow down, stick their head out the window and shout “Cows!” when they see us.

We bring smiles to everyone’s faces. Just like kielbasa dipped in honey mustard. (Though we regret the deaths of our pig comrades. We salute you, selfless pig comrades. You gave your lives so we could eat kielbasa.)

Having said all this we want to let humans know that any attempt to abolish we cows will be met with fierce resistance.

Cows may be peaceful but we are not pacifists. It was a cow, remember, who was responsible for the Great Chicago Fire.

We cows are well-versed in judo and are prepared to use it if necessary.

Who do you think taught Mike Tyson to box?  It was a cow.

Area 51?  It’s a secret cow base. Don’t ask what going on inside.

The Apollo 11 moon landing?  Neil Armstrong was a cow!

How would you like to wake up one day to find a cow in your bedroom?  A cow that is willing to use whatever force they have to to defend its race?

How would you like to go out to your driveway to start your car only to find it surrounded by cows? Cows that can box? Don’t think it will happen? What do you think happened at Chappaquiddick?  Ted Kennedy was a threat to us and he had to be dealt with. It was a cow who forced his limo off that bridge!

It was a cow on the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository.

It is a cow who is the lead singer of Heart.

Call us radicalized if you will. But the Cow Liberation Army will fight all attempts to end our race.

You have been warned.

The Cow Liberation Front.


If any of you humans know Kate Beckinsale could you tell her to give us a call. We kind of like her.

Thank you Cow Liberation Front. I think I speak for many humans when i say I hope the issues between our two species can be resolved peacefully. I for one resolve to stop eating sirloin.

Oh who am I kidding. I’ll continue to eat it. But I’ll feel guilty doing it.


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Infidel, yet another racist resolve to eat meat! You know it’s wrong. Stop.

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