You did not choose my green new deal I chose you

As promised, and Manhattan Infidel is a man who keeps his promises as long as it doesn’t involve lending money or anything that has to do with Wink Martindale, here is part two of my continuing series into the brilliant Green New Deal.

4. global temperatures must be kept below 1.5 degrees Celsius above preindustrialized (socialized) levels to avoid the most severe impacts of a changing climate, which will require—

1. global reductions in greenhouse gas emissions from human sources of 40 to 60 percent from 2010 levels by 2030; Other houses not painted green will be exempt for now.
2. net-zero emissions by 2050; We will set this at net zero instead of zero since we do not believe we will be able to get rid of all the farting cows.  All Americans are encouraged to punch a cow in the face if you believe it may be about to fart. I wonder if we could make a deal with Central America. We’ll send them caravans of farting cows in exchange for their caravans of Latinos. (Hispanics however will not be welcome.)

Whereas, because the United States has historically been responsible for a disproportionate amount of greenhouse gas emission second only to Ireland which I hear has a lot of green houses and the Irish drink a lot which leads to gas, having emitted 20 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions through 2014, and has a high technological capacity (for now but soon to change thanks to socialism), the United States must take a leading role in reducing emissions through economic transformation to a preindustrial socialist country.

Whereas the United States is currently experiencing several related crises, with—

1. life expectancy declining due to cruel capitalism and gun violence in inner cities controlled by Democrats but maybe we shouldn’t mention the gun violence in inner cities controlled by us, while basic needs, such as clean air, clean water, healthy food, and adequate health care, housing, transportation, and education, are inaccessible to a significant portion of the United States population;
2. a 4-decade trend of economic stagnation caused by Democratic policies (um, as with gun violence in inner cities perhaps we shouldn’t mention that)
3. inadequate resources for public sector workers to confront the challenges of climate change at local, State, and Federal levels; I don’t know specifically what those inadequate resources may be but I suggest making everyone in the United States a federal employee. That way we will access to adequate resources. At least that’s what Chuck Schumer said when he leered at me and put his hand on my thigh. I didn’t mind though. He’s a Democrat and when they grope me it’s for the greater common good. Democrats are like that you know. Just wish he didn’t give me syphilis.
4. a large racial wealth divide amounting to a difference of 20 times more wealth between the average White family and the average Black family; Note:  The average black family shall be defined as one woman, seven children who have never met their fathers and one grandmother who has to raise the children after the mother overdoses.
5. a gender earnings gap that results in women earning approximately 80 percent as much as men. Then again men are worth more. We all know that. And what this has to do with global warming I don’t know. But I’m Latino which means I cannot be questioned. It’s racist to do so.

Tomorrow:  Part Three! (May Alexandria Ocasio Cortez be forever blessed).

(87)